They used to be called stepfamilies. But these days, with families being formed in so many different ways, a better word was needed to represent and encapsulate the coming together of parents and children to create new, loving units.
So, the term “blended families” was born.
For US couple Spencer and Erica Shemwell, the stars of new TLC show The Blended Bunch, their experience has been a particularly unique journey because, between them, the pair are parents to 11 children, ranging in age from 3 to 12.
"The biggest challenge was learning to accommodate so many children and learning to navigate how we, as a 'new' family, wanted to do things," Erica, 33, tells The National. "We had to figure out what worked from both of our families and blend those ideas together to make things work well, such as routines, family meals and discipline."
Mother-of-seven Erica lost her husband, Tony, to cancer in 2016, and Spencer’s wife, Aimee, died in a car crash in 2017.
Turning to online support groups for those who have lost their partners proved a lifeline for the pair, who fell in love and married 13 months later.
“I loved how Erica was always looking for opportunities to help others out,” says Spencer, 32. “When we were talking daily, she would always ask about what my kids and I needed at the time and would brainstorm ways to help, even though she lived on the other side of the country.”
“I immediately was drawn to Spencer after talking with him a few times because he is very compassionate,” adds Erica. “He didn’t just want to know how you were doing every day, but really took the time and energy to understand what I, and others around him, especially his kids, were going through. He has such a pure heart and intends to be there for everyone.”
‘Trust, communication and compassion’
“Because we initially were friends, we immediately introduced our children to each other over video chat,” says Erica. “We all met in person five months after meeting online. It worked great for us because the kids got to know each other and us adults on a friend basis well before we started dating.”
The pair married in January 2019 and home became a five-bedroom house in Lehi, Utah.
"Trust is the first key. Not just in each other, but in the potential success of the new marriage," says The Family Hub founder Hanan Ezzeldin of the tools required to make a second marriage work.
“The second one is communication. Everything should be out in the open without barriers – happy moments and marital challenges alike. The third is compassion. Not everyone can move on from past issues easily, not everyone will have an easy transition and it’s crucial that people are understanding enough to pave the way for their partners to feel totally comfortable and content in the new relationship.”
Putting the children first
Erica has seven children: Landon, 12, Emma, 10, Lily, 9, Sophie, 8, Tanner, 6, Amelia, 5, and Caleb, 3. Spencer is father to four children: Brayden, 12, Harper, 8, Avery, 6, and Bexley, 4.
The Shemwells admit that bringing together 11 children has been a challenging process, but that establishing clear routines and ensuring the same rules for all children was a priority.
“With a lot of trial and error and, above all, open communication between us and the kids, we found a way that worked for everyone,” says Erica.
“Building care and affection takes time and is a gradual process,” says Sneha John, clinical psychologist at Dubai’s Camali Clinic. “Children in blended families need to be involved in simple decision-making. Creating an honest and transparent environment helps family members communicate without judgment and develop emotional connectedness.”
When it comes to communication, children should be encouraged to talk to both parents, each of whom work to ensure each child receives individual attention amid the noise and chaos of everyday life in such a large family.
“It’s always been set from the beginning that the kids can come to us without judgment with any problem they are facing, whether individually or as part of our family unit,” says Spencer. “That has given us great insight to what everyone needs and helps us focus on what’s most important for each child and as a whole.”
Remembering lost parents and partners
When Erica and Spencer’s partners died, they lost their spouses while 11 children lost a parent. The couple made it a priority from the start that forming a new family wouldn’t mean severing ties with the old family unit, nor forgetting the parent and partner they lost.
“Pictures are hung up around our home of their parents who have passed away,” says Erica. “The children also each have special blankets and other items in their rooms to remind them of their parent.
"But, more importantly, we talk about Tony and Aimee in our everyday talk. We often tell stories and reminisce and point out to the kids how much they are part of their parent and that they always have a bit of their parent with them.”
“It is important to be clear with a child about the role of a new partner,” advises Dr John. “Explain that they are not a replacement for the deceased parent, but someone who you care about a great deal and who you would like to be part of all your lives.”
“Stepparents can compliment things the other parent did or taught the children,” adds Ezzeldin. “Bring them up in a positive light. Keep memorabilia of the other parent in the house – especially for the children – and keep up traditions the deceased parent used to do with the children.”
Citing camping, visits to the park and family film nights as some of the new traditions the Shemwells have created as a blended family, the couple have also continued to celebrate the milestones of their deceased partners.
“We celebrate their birthdays with cake and their favourite foods and activities,” says Spencer. “On the anniversary of their passing, we remember them by visiting the gravesite or releasing lanterns into the sky with messages written to them.”
Lessons learnt from their first marriages
For Erica and Spencer, taking time for just the two of them has been a big factor in making their marriage a success amid a busy home life.
"We make it a very big priority to have a weekly date night," says Spencer. "We often go running or hiking together and even run errands. We also get up early in the mornings to do our own individual tasks, so we are able to focus on the kids during the day; and once the kids are in bed, we spend that time together each evening."
Embarking on a second marriage, even without 11 children in the mix, is not without its challenges, and experts cite communication as the key to success the second time around.
“It’s important to talk about the negatives as well as the positives of the previous marriages,” advises Ezzeldin. “Keep the conversation going because you are entering something new and it’s important for the success of the new relationship that any pitfalls are discussed so they can be avoided or adjusted.”
“Both of us have brought so much experience and understanding from our previous marriages and what we’ve learnt from our late spouses,” reflects Erica. “The most important thing we have brought into this relationship is that we don’t take each other for granted.
"Once you’ve lost someone, you treasure more dearly the relationships close to you and we treat each other in a way that we know we are loved daily.”
The Blended Bunch airs on Sundays on TLC, 10pm UAE time
Chef Nobu's advice for eating sushi
“One mistake people always make is adding extra wasabi. There is no need for this, because it should already be there between the rice and the fish.
“When eating nigiri, you must dip the fish – not the rice – in soy sauce, otherwise the rice will collapse. Also, don’t use too much soy sauce or it will make you thirsty. For sushi rolls, dip a little of the rice-covered roll lightly in soy sauce and eat in one bite.
“Chopsticks are acceptable, but really, I recommend using your fingers for sushi. Do use chopsticks for sashimi, though.
“The ginger should be eaten separately as a palette cleanser and used to clear the mouth when switching between different pieces of fish.”
Ms Yang's top tips for parents new to the UAE
- Join parent networks
- Look beyond school fees
- Keep an open mind
The specs
Engine: 2-litre 4-cylinder and 3.6-litre 6-cylinder
Power: 220 and 280 horsepower
Torque: 350 and 360Nm
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Price: from Dh136,521 VAT and Dh166,464 VAT
On sale: now
The biog
Age: 59
From: Giza Governorate, Egypt
Family: A daughter, two sons and wife
Favourite tree: Ghaf
Runner up favourite tree: Frankincense
Favourite place on Sir Bani Yas Island: “I love all of Sir Bani Yas. Every spot of Sir Bani Yas, I love it.”
Mohammed bin Zayed Majlis
The specs: 2018 Mercedes-Benz S 450
Price, base / as tested Dh525,000 / Dh559,000
Engine: 3.0L V6 biturbo
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Power: 369hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 500Nm at 1,800rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 8.0L / 100km
Sting & Shaggy
44/876
(Interscope)
'The Lost Daughter'
Director: Maggie Gyllenhaal
Starring: Olivia Colman, Jessie Buckley, Dakota Johnson
Rating: 4/5
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The Disaster Artist
Director: James Franco
Starring: James Franco, Dave Franco, Seth Rogan
Four stars
The Africa Institute 101
Housed on the same site as the original Africa Hall, which first hosted an Arab-African Symposium in 1976, the newly renovated building will be home to a think tank and postgraduate studies hub (it will offer master’s and PhD programmes). The centre will focus on both the historical and contemporary links between Africa and the Gulf, and will serve as a meeting place for conferences, symposia, lectures, film screenings, plays, musical performances and more. In fact, today it is hosting a symposium – 5-plus-1: Rethinking Abstraction that will look at the six decades of Frank Bowling’s career, as well as those of his contemporaries that invested social, cultural and personal meaning into abstraction.
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
The specs
Engine: 3.8-litre twin-turbo flat-six
Power: 650hp at 6,750rpm
Torque: 800Nm from 2,500-4,000rpm
Transmission: 8-speed dual-clutch auto
Fuel consumption: 11.12L/100km
Price: From Dh796,600
On sale: now
Living in...
This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.
THE BIO: Martin Van Almsick
Hometown: Cologne, Germany
Family: Wife Hanan Ahmed and their three children, Marrah (23), Tibijan (19), Amon (13)
Favourite dessert: Umm Ali with dark camel milk chocolate flakes
Favourite hobby: Football
Breakfast routine: a tall glass of camel milk
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
UK-EU trade at a glance
EU fishing vessels guaranteed access to UK waters for 12 years
Co-operation on security initiatives and procurement of defence products
Youth experience scheme to work, study or volunteer in UK and EU countries
Smoother border management with use of e-gates
Cutting red tape on import and export of food
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
More about Middle East geopolitics
more from Janine di Giovanni
WOMAN AND CHILD
Director: Saeed Roustaee
Starring: Parinaz Izadyar, Payman Maadi
Rating: 4/5
Results
6.30pm Al Maktoum Challenge Round-3 Group 1 (PA) US$100,000 (Dirt) 2,000m, Winner Bandar, Fernando Jara (jockey), Majed Al Jahouri (trainer).
7.05pm Meydan Classic Listed (TB) $175,000 (Turf) 1,600m, Winner Well Of Wisdom, William Buick, Charlie Appleby.
7.40pm Handicap (TB) $135,000 (T) 2,000m, Winner Star Safari, Mickael Barzalona, Charlie Appleby.
8.15pm Handicap (TB) $135,000 (D) 1,600m, Winner Moqarrar, Fabrice Veron, Erwan Charpy.
8.50pm Nad Al Sheba Trophy Group 2 (TB) $300,000 (T) 2,810m, Winner Secret Advisor, William Buick, Charlie Appleby.
9.25pm Curlin Stakes Listed (TB) $175,000 (D) 2,000m, Winner Parsimony, William Buick, Doug O’Neill.
10pm Handicap (TB) $135,000 (T) 2,000m, Winner Simsir, Ronan Whelan, Michael Halford.
10.35pm Handicap (TB) $175,000 (T) 1,400m, Winner Velorum, Mickael Barzalona, Charlie Appleby.
Meydan race card
6pm Dubai Trophy – Conditions(TB) $100,000 (Turf) 1,200m
6.35Dubai Trophy – Conditions(TB) $100,000 (Turf) 1,200m
1,800m
7.10pm Jumeirah Derby Trial – Conditions (TB) $60,000 (T)
1,800m ,400m
7.45pm Al Rashidiya – Group 2 (TB) $180,000 (T) 1,800m
8.20pm Al Fahidi Fort – Group 2 (TB) $180,000 (T) 1,400m
8.55pm Dubawi Stakes – Group 3 (TB) $150,000 (D) 1,200m
9.30pm Aliyah – Rated Conditions (TB) $80,000 (D) 2,000m
Scoreline:
Everton 4
Richarlison 13'), Sigurdsson 28', Digne 56', Walcott 64'
Manchester United 0
Man of the match: Gylfi Sigurdsson (Everton)
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UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
What you as a drone operator need to know
A permit and licence is required to fly a drone legally in Dubai.
Sanad Academy is the United Arab Emirate’s first RPA (Remotely Piloted Aircraft) training and certification specialists endorsed by the Dubai Civil Aviation authority.
It is responsible to train, test and certify drone operators and drones in UAE with DCAA Endorsement.
“We are teaching people how to fly in accordance with the laws of the UAE,” said Ahmad Al Hamadi, a trainer at Sanad.
“We can show how the aircraft work and how they are operated. They are relatively easy to use, but they need responsible pilots.
“Pilots have to be mature. They are given a map of where they can and can’t fly in the UAE and we make these points clear in the lectures we give.
“You cannot fly a drone without registration under any circumstances.”
Larger drones are harder to fly, and have a different response to location control. There are no brakes in the air, so the larger drones have more power.
The Sanad Academy has a designated area to fly off the Al Ain Road near Skydive Dubai to show pilots how to fly responsibly.
“As UAS technology becomes mainstream, it is important to build wider awareness on how to integrate it into commerce and our personal lives,” said Major General Abdulla Khalifa Al Marri, Commander-in-Chief, Dubai Police.
“Operators must undergo proper training and certification to ensure safety and compliance.
“Dubai’s airspace will undoubtedly experience increased traffic as UAS innovations become commonplace, the Forum allows commercial users to learn of best practice applications to implement UAS safely and legally, while benefitting a whole range of industries.”
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Diriyah%20project%20at%20a%20glance
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Specs
Engine: Electric motor generating 54.2kWh (Cooper SE and Aceman SE), 64.6kW (Countryman All4 SE)
Power: 218hp (Cooper and Aceman), 313hp (Countryman)
Torque: 330Nm (Cooper and Aceman), 494Nm (Countryman)
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh158,000 (Cooper), Dh168,000 (Aceman), Dh190,000 (Countryman)
Stage result
1. Pascal Ackermann (GER) Bora-Hansgrohe, in 3:29.09
2. Caleb Ewan (AUS) Lotto-Soudal
3. Rudy Barbier (FRA) Israel Start-Up Nation
4. Dylan Groenewegen (NED) Jumbo-Visma
5. Luka Mezgec (SLO) Mitchelton-Scott
6. Alberto Dainese (ITA) Sunweb
7. Jakub Mareczko (ITA) CCC
8. Max Walscheid (GER) NTT
9. José Rojas (ESP) Movistar
10. Andrea Vendrame (ITA) Ag2r La Mondiale, all at same time
Company%C2%A0profile
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Tank warfare
Lt Gen Erik Petersen, deputy chief of programs, US Army, has argued it took a “three decade holiday” on modernising tanks.
“There clearly remains a significant armoured heavy ground manoeuvre threat in this world and maintaining a world class armoured force is absolutely vital,” the general said in London last week.
“We are developing next generation capabilities to compete with and deter adversaries to prevent opportunism or miscalculation, and, if necessary, defeat any foe decisively.”
if you go
The flights
Emirates offer flights to Buenos Aires from Dubai, via Rio De Janeiro from around Dh6,300. emirates.com
Seeing the games
Tangol sell experiences across South America and generally have good access to tickets for most of the big teams in Buenos Aires: Boca Juniors, River Plate, and Independiente. Prices from Dh550 and include pick up and drop off from your hotel in the city. tangol.com
Staying there
Tangol will pick up tourists from any hotel in Buenos Aires, but after the intensity of the game, the Faena makes for tranquil, upmarket accommodation. Doubles from Dh1,110. faena.com
Match info
Huddersfield Town 0
Chelsea 3
Kante (34'), Jorginho (45' pen), Pedro (80')
Fifa%20World%20Cup%20Qatar%202022%20
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The specs: 2019 Lincoln MKC
Price, base / as tested: Dh169,995 / Dh192,045
Engine: Turbocharged, 2.0-litre, in-line four-cylinder
Transmission: Six-speed automatic
Power: 253hp @ 5,500rpm
Torque: 389Nm @ 2,500rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 10.7L / 100km
How to donate
Send “thenational” to the following numbers or call the hotline on: 0502955999
2289 – Dh10
2252 – Dh 50
6025 – Dh20
6027 – Dh 100
6026 – Dh 200
Dengue%20fever%20symptoms
%3Cp%3EHigh%20fever%20(40%C2%B0C%2F104%C2%B0F)%3Cbr%3ESevere%20headache%3Cbr%3EPain%20behind%20the%20eyes%3Cbr%3EMuscle%20and%20joint%20pains%3Cbr%3ENausea%3Cbr%3EVomiting%3Cbr%3ESwollen%20glands%3Cbr%3ERash%26nbsp%3B%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
TOURNAMENT INFO
Women’s World Twenty20 Qualifier
Jul 3- 14, in the Netherlands
The top two teams will qualify to play at the World T20 in the West Indies in November
UAE squad
Humaira Tasneem (captain), Chamani Seneviratne, Subha Srinivasan, Neha Sharma, Kavisha Kumari, Judit Cleetus, Chaya Mughal, Roopa Nagraj, Heena Hotchandani, Namita D’Souza, Ishani Senevirathne, Esha Oza, Nisha Ali, Udeni Kuruppuarachchi
Results
Stage 5:
1. Jonas Vingegaard (DEN) Team Jumbo-Visma 04:19:08
2. Tadej Pogacar (SLO) UAE Team Emirates 00:00:03
3. Adam Yates (GBR) Ineos Grenadiers
4. Sergio Higuita (COL) EF Education-Nippo 00:00:05
5. Joao Almeida (POR) Deceuninck-QuickStep 00:00:06
General Classification:
1. Tadej Pogacar (SLO) UAE Team Emirates 17:09:26
2. Adam Yates (GBR) Ineos Grenadiers 00:00:45
3. Joao Almeida (POR) Deceuninck-QuickStep 00:01:12
4. Chris Harper (AUS) Team Jumbo-Visma 00:01:54
5. Neilson Powless (USA) EF Education-Nippo 00:01:56
The five pillars of Islam
